January flew by and we’re already past the first full week of February! The weather here in Connecticut hasn’t been the most ideal for skiing but we patiently wait. We’re supposed to get some fresh snow sometime this week so we’ll keep our fingers crossed.
In case you haven’t noticed I’ve been less and less active here on the blog and on social media lately. I feel like I’ve been in a total funk and not feeling creative at all. I even declined several campaigns just because I haven’t felt like my usual self and I don’t like to take on tasks when I don’t feel my best. That wouldn’t be fair to you since I wouldn’t put out my best, so off the list they went. Anyone else feel me?.. Writers get ‘writer’s block’ and influencers get unmotivated. I’m not sure what to blame it on; the winter blues, that I miss my son tremendously or that I’ll be turning 50 in exactly one month!
First things first; I have to admit that I’m a selfish mom. When my firstborn left to college I was a complete mess for most of his four years away. Even though he was only two hours away and I could visit whenever, it was by far one of the most stressful experiences for me. I cried pretty much the whole of the first year. At one point my husband thought I needed therapy… The second year came and I had anxiety up the roof! I dealt with it as best I could but on top of that I couldn’t sleep and I would constantly talk about him, driving everyone else at home crazy. All this time I was ignoring (not purposely of course) the fact that my second son also went off to college, although he was in Connecticut so I guess that really didn’t count. The third year arrived with mixed feelings but I began to handle it a little better. Then the fourth year finally arrived and all I could do was count the days till his graduation.
After he graduated it was awesome to have him home again. He quickly found a job and was out to a good start. Then came the girlfriend and all of its challenges. Then the day snuck up on me when he saved enough money to buy his own place and move in with the girlfriend. Dad and I couldn’t be more proud of him! Such a milestone for young people. And as happy and proud that I am of him, (he lives several miles from the homestead), I still miss him a lot. I miss our conversations, the good night kisses, the early morning shenanigans and just having him home for dinner. It takes a little getting used to and overall life is good. Still, it may not be the whole reason for my funk…
The weather around here has been pretty wet and gloomy. Unfortunately for most of this winter it hasn’t been cold enough to make snow. Thus far we did two ski trips to the local mountains when by this time last year we were skiing every single weekend! I miss the fun in the snow since it helps break up the winter months a bit. And as much as I enjoy sitting by a fire I definitely miss the sunshine and fresh air a lot more. I’m still not my usual self…
And then there is this, that I’ll hit the half century mark this year. 😳 Sounds weird when I put it that way, lol. I’ve never felt odd, weird or sad about reaching certain age marks. I welcomed 30 with no reservations at all. By then I had three boys ages, 5, 6 and 7 and I was darn busy enjoying it. Forty came around with surprises and so much love and laughter. At this point I had a two year old toddler and couldn’t be more thrilled for the new decade and all of the experiences that come with having a daughter.
And now I’m looking at 50! Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. I think it’s fair to say that most woman look forward to this new decade with fewer menses. I guess I do too, to some degree, but if I’m gonna be totally honest, I get a little sad just thinking about it. The fact that at some point I’ll stop having the ability to get naturally pregnant brings me a whole lot of sadness.
Sometimes I wish I had another baby right after Glor. I loved having babies. I was one of those moms that found it to be the most satisfying and fulfilling parts of my life. I was blessed with having four healthy babies and I’m grateful for it. Having a young one around the house and still getting my periods keeps me feeling ‘young.’ I hear by this age most women are ready to give it up but seriously, I’m not mentally prepare to live without it. I know, this probably sounds crazy but it’s true and it’s how I feel about it. I don’t know exactly when it’ll happen but I do know that for some woman it happens as soon as they hit 50. So that’s what I have to look forward to in my new decade and perhaps the bulk of the reason I’ve gotten myself into a funk…
I’ve been blessed with good health all my life. My husband and I both have great health assessments and we’re proud of that. Neither one of us are smokers or drinkers, (except for social drinks) we don’t take medications of any kind aside for the occasional Tylenol for aches and pains. I don’t even take vitamins, which my doctor keeps reminding me I should be taking calcium to help reduce the chances of osteoporosis. Nor do I ever have mammograms done. Yeah, I said that. I know, it’s a shocker and my OB yells at me every time I see him, but I just don’t believe in having it done. I’m convinced they do more harm than good. I do however remember to do my own self checks. I don’t have a history of breast related issues from my maternal side so I just don’t bother with mammograms. My grandma died peacefully in her sleep at the of 96 to a stroke. She never had any breast, ovarian or pelvic issues and she was a mom of 7. My mom hasn’t had any issues either thankfully, and she’s 73, so I’m relying on my genes… (PSA, This is just my own personal take on my health and is not intended as a suggestion for you to do the same. Follow your own doctor’s advice on how to maintain your good health.)
Maybe I’ve summed up what’s causing me to be in a funk, I don’t know, but it feels good to just write it down and share it with others who may be feeling the same. It sometimes helps to let it all out without reservations. I hope this new month has begun to a great start for you! Have any thoughts? I welcome your ideas and suggestions.☺️
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